Thoughts, prayers, and positive energy needed!

Well, it's been a while since I have posted, and I thought maybe I should take some time to update everyone on our crazy lives!

Little Buddy and Baby Girl are still with us. It has been 7 months. At this point, it looks like we will be able to adopt them. We have a hearing on March 7. This is when the judge will decide to terminate reunification services or give the birth parents more time to complete the required steps to get the kids back. DCFS will be recommending that reunification services be terminated. The judge has the final say, regardless of any recommendations given. If the judge terminates services, the parents are able to relinquish their rights or they can appeal the decision and then it will go to trial. If the parents relinquish their rights, we would be able to finalize an adoption in the next month or so. If the appeal, we have no idea when we would be able to finalize, we have to wait for the legal process to play out.

Here's where we need help. We need lots of thoughts, prayers, and positive energy coming our way. We are hopeful that everything will go our way, quickly. We, mainly the kids, need to be able to move on. It is so hard and confusing for them to go to visits with their birth family.

We will be having a family fast on Sunday, March 3rd. If anyone would like to join us in that, we would defiantly appreciate it. Many people have told us that we are in their prayers and we are so grateful to be able to surround ourselves with such amazing people. We love you all. Thank you for all the support through our adoption journey. We would not have able to get through it without all the support!

Craziness

So, I had a long post all typed up and it has become lost. Good times!

Here is an update on our lives.  On July 20, 2012, Ryker and I were having a seemly normal summer day.  Not much had been planned or needed to get done, we were just hanging out, taking life as it came.  That afternoon, I received a call from DCFS, saying they had a sibling group that needed placement.  They thought that they would be able to find a kinship (family) placement, but wanted a foster family ready as a backup. I said yes, thinking that the kids would go to a family member.  About 30 minutes later, I was called by the case worker, and was told that they would need to place the kids with us and that DCFS would call us to know when and where we were to meet them.  I called Travis and he hurried home.  We soon got the call and drop Ryker off with the neighbor and then nervously drove across town.
Due to the situation, we met up at the hospital, where Baby Girl was being treated.  We arrived just as the birthparent was being told that the kids were being removed.  We were ushered into a corner, where we could not be seen.  The birthparent was soon escorted from the hospital and then we were able to step into the room and meet Baby Girl and Little Buddy.  I snuggled Baby Girl in my arms and she soon fell asleep. Travis spent some time with Little Buddy while I was given instruction from the hospital staff on the care that Baby Girl would need.
We were discharged after being there for a couple of hours and were soon on our way home.  When we arrived, Travis ran to Walmart to get some things for the kids.  Little Buddy only had the clothes on his back and Baby Girl had a couple of diapers the hospital sent with us and a hospital gown that they put her in to get her home.
Ryker soon came home and met the kids for the first time.  He was very excited to have a new brother and sister.  For the most part, he really enjoys being the big brother, but I know that sometimes it is very difficult to have to share Mom and Dad.
So, how is life with 3 little ones? Crazy, is the best way to describe it.  I feel like I am constantly running.  There is never a dull moment.  And yes, I am still working full time.  I am exhausted, but it is so worth it.  My favorite part of the day is when I get to go pick up the kids.  It's crazy how much I miss them, even though we've only been apart a few hours.  We hopeful that this will be my last year teaching and I will be able to come home, but well see.
As far as whether or not we will get to adopt the kids, we have no idea.  It is still pretty early in the case, but we hope to know more in the coming months.  We would like nothing more then to make these kiddos a permanent part of our forever family.
In other news, Ryker started kindergarten this fall.  He is loving it.  He is in a full day kindergarten class and is doing extremely well.  He love learning and it has been so fun to see him excel.  When I picked him up on the first day, I asked what his favorite part was.  He replied with a big smile and wide eyes, "Everything!"  I was really concerned about his behavior, but his teacher has said that he is doing well, only needing the occasional reminder.

Well, life is good! Thank you all for the countless prayers for us and our little family.  We will defiantly need them in the coming months!

Summertime!

We're 4 weeks into summer break!  It has been an adjustment to go from working mom to full-time mom.  At first I didn't know what to do to fill our time, but amazingly enough, we've figured it out.  We have done free lunch in the park a couple of times, gone to a couple splash pads, gone swimming, saw a movie, and spent time at home.  I've tried to establish a routine for us, which we're able to follow most days. 

The beginning of June, Ryker had a doctors appointment with Primary Children's Behavior Outpatient Office.  It was recommended by the geneticist that diagnosed him with Russell Silver Syndrome that we have him evaluated by a psychologist.  He spent a whole afternoon with the doctor completing several types of evaluations.  We went back 2 weeks later to get the results.  He was diagnosed with ADHD.  We were then referred back to Ryker's pediatrician to discuss medication.  We started him on medication a week ago and it has been hard.  His sleep patterns have changed (he was up until 3am the first night) and his behavior has not improved like we hoped.  I spoke with the pediatrician yesterday and we're going to try a new medication starting tomorrow.  I've talked with other parents of children with ADHD, and I am hopeful that we will be able to find the right balance of medication to help him. 

In other news, we are still waiting for another placement.  I meet with our RFC (Resource Family Consultant; basically a case worker that works with the foster families), and she said that she is always looking for potential placements for us.  She also said that she has submitted our home study for a placement and is waiting to hear back.  So, we could have another little one soon or not for a while.  That's how it goes with foster care.  It does make life exciting; every day could be the day that a new little one comes into your life.  Until then, it's life as usual.

Moving on...

I have been wanting to post something for a while, but I haven't been sure where to start.  I have had so many emotions the past month or so and I am still trying to process everything.  As many of you know, Baby Boy went back to his mom at the end of March.  It seemed so easy in theory.  We knew that he wasn't going to be with us for very long, we knew that he was going back eventually.  With that knowledge, it should have been easy to give him back.  It truly was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  I cannot express the pain and sorrow that I felt and often still feel.  Most of the time I am okay, but every once and a while the undeniable aching in my heart creeps up out of nowhere and takes me for a loop.  There is not a day that passes that I don't think about him.  I think that the hardest thing has been the uncertainty of his future.  I am continuely praying for him and his mom.  His mom has told us that we are welcome to come and see him when we would like, but I don't think I can do that.  It would be too hard.  Maybe that sounds selfish, and maybe it is, but for now, I know that my heart can't take it.  I hope, for him, that she is able to get her life in order.  I am also hopeful that someday our paths with cross again.  We are now trying to create our new "normal" without Baby Boy.  Even though it was so difficult to give him back, I do not for a minute regret our decision to take him into our home.  It's like that saying, "its better to love and lost, then to never love at all." 

We have been put back on the active list for Foster Parents, and are eagerly awaiting a new placement.  Ryker prays every night for brothers and sisters.  We are wanting a child younger than Ryker, preferrably under 3.  I would really like a girl, but we will take either.  We'll just have to see what happens.

It is amazing how quickly our lives can change.  Tomorrow, May 3rd, marks the one year anniversary of Ryker moving to our home.  This past year has gone so quickly.  I'm excited to see what this next year will bring. 

I guess overall, I am so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven that is mindful of us and our needs.  Although it often doesn't make sense, I know that one day it will.  Through everything, I have gained a stronger testimony of the Atonement.  I know that my Savior knows me; He knows my pains and sorrows.  It is a testament of my favorite scripture...
 
"And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions."

Mosiah 24:14

I know that there have been countless prayers on our behalf and we truly appreciate them.  Love you all!

So many changes...

Here is our life at the present time:

Ryker is officially ours.  We finalized our adoption on February 21, 2012.  We had him sealed to us in the Salt Lake Temple on February 25.  It was a crazy week!  We are so blessed to have him in our lives forever!  One thing that the sealer said really has stuck in my mind...

 "The sealing power is stronger than DNA."

It is so true.  There is nothing else on this earth that can tie families together for time and all eternity

Thank you to all of you that helped make our special days so awesome!

We are loving being this little man's mom and dad!

In other news, Baby Boy is still with us, for the time being.  We have been told for weeks to be preparing for him to leave.  We never knew if it might finally be the week that he leaves us.  Well, we were told yesterday, that THIS is the week.  He will be going to live with his mom on Saturday.  I have so many mixed emotions.  I'm so sad to be loosing him, but I am so happy for his mom that she will, if she continues to do well, have the opportunity to raise this sweet little boy.  I am grateful that Ryker had the time with his little brother.  It has been an awesome experience to have this little one in our home.  I have learned so much from him.  There won't be a day that goes by that I don't think of him and hope that he is doing well.  I read a quote a couple weeks ago that I feel is applicable:

"Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened." 

Now on to the next adventure!

Finally

Well, our big day is almost here.  We will be finalizing our adoption of Little Man on Tuesday, February 21!  We are so excited.  It has been a long journey.  Little Man is so excited.  We will be taking him to the temple to be sealed to us on Saturday, February 25.  He has told us that he will not call us mom and dad until we are "married" in the temple.  We have decided to give him a new first name and have his current first name be his middle name.  He says that he will go by his new first name after the temple, but we'll see.  It's his choice.  I can't believe how much I love this little boy.  I am so happy to have him in my life.  He brings so much happiness and joy to our home.  He is a major mama's boy and I love it!

"For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him."

1 Samuel 1:27

In other news, Baby Boy is still with us.  We are still unsure of how long he will be with us.  He is the easiest baby.  He is so content and happy the majority of the time.  It is so much fun to have him in our home.  We want nothing more than to keep him, but only time will tell what will happen.  We are just going to love him while we have him.

As a side note, we have chosen to discontinue persuing adoption through LDS Family Services.  We have been with them for 3 years and the outcome has not been favorable.  They also charge a $300 home study fee once a year to maintain our file and we felt that we could be paying that fee until the end of time.  Our case worker was wonderful, but we just didn't think that we should continue to persue that option.  This doesn't mean that we are not interested in infant adoption, so please continue to refer us to potential birth mothers.

Thank you for all the prayers in our behalf!

Our life...updated!

So here's the update that I know you've been waiting for...


Little Man's birth mom decided to fight the judge's discussion.  So, we have to wait until January 17th for a hearing/trial.  In the end, the judge has the final say and it's not likely that he will be changing him mind anything soon.  We should be able to finalize our adoption end of January/first of February. 

We have had a crazy couple of weeks.  We have been trying to get ready for Christmas.  It is so different/exciting when there's a 5 year old around.  It really reminds you of the magic of Christmas.  So on top of getting ready for Christmas, we got a phone call on December 13 at 4:00 pm from Little Man's case worker.  We learned that his half brother was being removed and they were looking for a placement for him, and they try to keep siblings together, so we were the first call.  Of course we said yes and he was brought to our house at 6:30 that evening.  Talk about a whirlwind!  At this point, it is a temporary placement.  We would love to keep him, but it is not likely.  I'm sad for Little Man that he will not be able to be be raised with his biological siblings, but I am grateful that he has this time to spend with Baby Boy. 


It is so crazy having a little one around.  We are exhausted, but it is so awesome.  When I rock him to sleep in the middle of the night, I can't help but think about how happy I am.  It is crazy to think that this time last year, a family was a Christmas wish that seemed so out of reach.  But here we are today, with two little ones in our care.  Be it temporary or permanent, we are blessed by the sweet spirits that have come into our home. 

I can't help but think about one of my favorite quotes about adoption:
"I have slept with a baby on my chest.  I've kissed boo boos and mended broken hearts.  I have been puked on, peed on, and spent sleepless nights in the rocking chair.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  I did not carry this child in my body, but when I look in the mirror, I see a MOM, and there is no greater honor or blessing!!"

I am finally mom...

Thank you all for your countless prayers and thoughts on our behalf.  We are so blessed to have such an amazing support network around us.  We have the best friends and family.  We love you all!