I couldn't have said it better...

Always Wishing....

I am always wishing that I were better at this posting thing. I keep telling myself I need to be more consistant than I am. I guess I just don't think that much is going on that needs to be reported to whoever it is out there is reading this. Sometimes I wonder if a blog is even worth it... am I just putting random thoughts out into the world? But then I think that it has become somewhat therapeutic. I am able to get my thoughts out there and spend some time processing the events in my life...so even if no one is reading, this is for me. I have so much to learn and I think that it all starts by looking internally and finding out what I can teach myself...


Update on life...
Travis is almost done with this semester of school. His final is on Monday. He is doing well and I am so proud of the dedication that he has shown to better himself. He only has 3 or so classes left and he will be done with his associates in general studies. Then begins the process of deciding what is next. The current plan is business school at the University of Utah, but as with everything, that is subject to change.

As for me, I'm just plugging along. School is almost out---THANK GOODNESS!!! I am ready for summer. It has been a fairly easy year. My students are great, for the most part. I will miss the ones that are moving on, but I am ready for some changes.

I was recently called to be the Young Women's Assistant Camp Director. I am so excited and look forward to all the fun and hard work. I have loved getting to know the girls while helping with the Young Women's sports program, and look forward to getting to know them better.

About six weeks ago, Travis had to take me to the emergency room in the middle of the night. I was having chest pains that had started the day prior. I thought it was just heartburn, so I was taking Tums like they were going out of style. The pains gradually got worse as the day went on and it increasingly difficult to breath. We were at some friends' house playing games when I reached my breaking point. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was short of breath and in the most pain I have ever experienced in my life. Travis rushed me to the hospital and we got there shortly after midnight. They checked everything over and knew I wasn't having a heart attack or anything too serious. The doctor decided to start me on blood thinners as a prevenative measure, just in case it was a blood clot. I was taken back for CT scan and after several hours they found that I had fluid on the outside of my lungs and diagnosed me with pleurisy, which according to webmd.com is: swelling (inflammation) of the thin layers of tissue (pleura) covering the lungs and the chest wall. They prescribed me some ibuprofen and sent us on our way. It took me about 3-5 days to feel 100%. It was a really scary experience and I am grateful that it turned out to not be very serious.


Adoption update: Nothing. I have so many mixed emotions regarding our place in life. Sometimes I really am okay with our situation, or that is atleast what I like to tell myself. There are other times that I become so angry, but most of the time I am just sad. I worry that we may never get to experience to joys of parenthood in this life. I am trying to remain faithful and strengthen my testimony through this trial. There is obviously something that I need to learn through this experience, but what, I don't know. It is challenging to see everyone around us become pregnant and pretend to be okay. I am honestly happy and excited for all those who are able to have child, any child is a miracle, but am sad for our situation. I don't want to be one of those people that others feel they have to tip toe around. So, please continue to get pregnant and share your joy and your children with us.

We love you all and appreciate all the love and prayers on our behalf.


"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions

shall be but a small moment."

D&C 121: 7

I always say that I'm going to be better at this and post more often, but it always works out to be about a month between posts.

Not much is going on in our lives right now. Just the same old stuff. Travis is pluggin' along and school and I'm going crazy at work. Daylight Savings is so hard on my students. They were so cranky this week. We had lots of fun behaviors! Finally on Wednesday afternoon, I was so tired that I put a movie in. It gave me a few minutes of quiet.

Travis just got done with church basketball. They did pretty well, and Travis had fun. I've been playing with the women and we went to region. We played last night and unfortunatly lost, but we play again tomorrow morning. Hopefully we do well.

I've been coaching the young women in our ward. It has been fun/challenging. I want so badly for them to do well and, bless their hearts they try so hard, but just don't win. It's not all about winning, but I would like them to gain some confidence. They do have fun, and that's what counts.

We have been having so much fun babysitting our nephew, Quinton. He is getting so big! It is so awesome watching him learn and grow. We are able to watch him Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays while his parents work. He is so stinkin' cute!!!

Not much is going on with our adoption...We are still just waiting. Please remember that if you know anyone that is considering placing their baby for adoption to refer them to our profile, blog, and/or email. Also, if you would like some pass along cards, please email me your address and we'll get some out to you asap!

Thank you for all your love and support!

Adoption Pass Along Cards and an Update...

We need your help! We recently got pass along cards printed and need help distibuting them. If you would like to help, please email me your address and I'll get a couple to you.


Update on our life:

The past two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster, and to be honest, I am exhausted! We began looking a getting an adoption loan. We found out that our health insurance will give us $4,000.00 after placement, and Travis will receive a employee adoption benefit for $2,000.00. Plus, the adoption tas credit for 2010 is $12,170.00. Incase you are bad at math, that is $18,170.00!!! This does not include the child tax credit, which is another $1,000.00. All of this would make an adoption loan do-able. We are still approved through LDS Family services, but we have been looking at other private agencies that would help us get a baby faster. Going through another agency would cost us a minimum of $23,500.00, which sounds like a lot, but once we get the $19,170.00 back, it really would not be that much out of pocket.
The problem that we soon realized is that getting a loan would be a lot harder than we thought. Because we bought our house before the market crashed, the value of our home has been affected, we are not able to get a home equity loan. We could get a personal loan, which means we wouldn't have to have any collateral, but the interest rate would be around 11%. The repayment time would be 36 months, but we would be able to have 80% payed off in a year or less. Anyway, that would make our payments around $800.00 per month. And unfortunately, we just don't have the extra $800.00 per month to cover the cost of a loan and the added cost of having a child.
I hope that this all makes sense and I'm not just rambling...

Moral of the story:
The only thing that is standing in the way of us being parents is money. That hit me pretty hard this past weekend. I am having a difficult time coming to terms with our situation. I thought that I was in a good place, but I guess I'm not. I have spent the past few days trying to figure out ways that we can earn the money to fund our adoption. I have decided that I would like to create a foundation. The foundation would raise money to aid couples that need help, but may not qualify for other assistance. I also want to create adoption merchandise (t-shirts, key chains, bracelets, necklaces, etc.).

I am planning on writing a book about our adoption experience. I would like to include others' stories. I am always going to the library looking for a book about the emotional side of adoption, but there is nothing there. I know that I feel better about some of the things I'm going through, if I know that someone else has felt the same way. I feel that there needs to be a book that talks about the emotional side of adoption. If you or anyone you know are affected by adoption and would like to contribute to this project please email me.

Thank you for your love and support...

I am horrible at this...

Really, I am always so behind at updating the blog...

So much has happened since my last post.

I took some of my students to see the Nutcracker at Capitol Theater. It was fun, crazy and stressful, but the kids seem to enjoy it. I also had my Winter recess from school. It was a much needed break and I was so grateful that it had finally arrived. Our whole school moved to a brand new building. It is so nice. The kids have adjusted well and things are almost back to normal.

During Christmas break, my family went to Zoo Lights at the Utah Hogle Zoo. It was freezing, but surprisingly fun. I didn't expect much, but I really enjoyed myself.

Christmas was fantastic...We are always so spoiled. I love being able to pick out gifts for others and seeing their reaction. The best part of the season is being with family and friends. It's always sad to see the end of the season, but kind of nice to get back to everyday life.

We haven't heard anything more about our adoption process. We're still just waiting. Sometimes it is hard, but we are continuely reminding ourselves that Heavenly Father knows us and the pure desires of our hearts and we will be blessed with children one day. We just have to be patient...

Where has the month gone?

Seriously, the month of November has just flown by. I can't believe how quickly Thanksgiving came this year.

Let me take a minute to recap on everything that has been going on...

First, my birthday pasted. We had everyone (Travis's and my family)over for cake and ice cream. They surprised me with a new camera, which I LOVE!!! It was pretty funny, Travis wrapped up his dad's old 35 mm camera and had me open it. I was all sorts of confused until I looked over and saw Melissa taking pictures with a brand new Sony Cybershot. It was a very thoughful gift. I have wanted a camera for a long time. It is small enough that I can carry it in my purse. It's awesome!!!


We spent Halloween with my family. We went out to my brother and sister-in-law's house. It was fun to see the kids get so excited about dressing up. Gavin dressed up as a vampire, Bre was a witch, and Quinton was a dragon. They were so cute and it was a lot of fun to spend time with the fam...
We decided to get a Nintendo Wii for Christmas. It came about a week ago and of course we weren't about to wait for Christmas...so, we have been playing it every day. It is so much fun. What a great family game system. I recommend it to everyone!!!

We were able to spend Thanksgiving with both families. We had dinner with Travis's family and dessert with mine. We had my family over to our house. We just hung out and played Wii.

I am so grateful for this time of year. It reminds me of all the blessings I have in my life.


Thank you all for all you love and support. I hope the season is will find you healthy and happy!